This is what happens when the monkeys in my head get tired of sitting at their typewriters, and start throwing poop at each other instead.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
The whole gay marriage thing
This week, the California Supreme Court made a big splash by striking down their ban on gay marriage. The court based the decision on a similar case from sixty years ago that overturned a ban on interracial marriage.
I disagree with the court's decision.
That's correct. The reason is very simple: words. They are slippery, seldom used properly, and oh so rife with potential for misinterpretation. But in this case, my argument revolves around the word "marriage." What does this word mean? To each individual as well as to society?
Well, when I think of marriage, I think of a spiritual bond between two people. There really is no motivation, other than a psychological one (in my opinion "psychological" includes a "spiritual" desire), for two individuals to get hitched. I suppose it has to do with having your bond recognized by a higher authority. That authority could be the state (through a civil union) or God (through a religious ceremony) -- obviously, this is up to the individuals involved. I don't think it's at all out of line to say that the institution of marriage lies in a spiritual realm, not a legal one. This is my argument.
The state has no business saying which kinds of marriages are acceptable and which ones are not because it is constitutionally precluded from making laws regarding religious matters. The government has no more authority to tell a church that it can (or cannot) marry homosexuals than it does to mandate that nuns wear tie-dye.
On the one hand, I am glad that states are striking down these absurd laws, but on the other hand, this is all a very dangerous semantic dance. Now, I admit I am no lawyer... but if I were a Bible-thumping pinhead lawyer working for one of these thinly-veiled anti-homosexual hate groups, I would challenge this ruling on the basis that government has no authority to regulate spiritual institutions -- namely, marriage.
I am much more comfortable with the whole notion of "civil unions." I propose that all government legislation, statutes, and tax code change the word "marriage" to "union." That term is religiously sterile, and thus constitutionally appropriate for use by government entities.
More than that, though, excising the word "marriage" from government language would deflate a lot of the arguments made by trailer-trash social conservatives. Why are people not-okay with the notion of gay marriage? Well, mostly outright bigotry, but you can't say that on CNN, now can you? So, they all make the oh-so appealing argument that recognizing gay "marriage" disregards "the entire history and meaning of marriage in our tradition." A direct quote, mind you, from the president of the National Organization for Marriage (referenced in the above-linked article). So, what to do, what to do?
I'll tell you... you remove that argument entirely! If the government changes everything to "union," anti-homosexual advocates can't say the government is redefining a traditional institution. What the fuck kind of precedent is there for the word "union?" It doesn't have that same religious tag attached to it the way marriage does. When people hear the word "marriage," they think church, flowers, preacher, etc. etc., and seeing some gay dudes getting married in a church bothers some people. What do they think of when they hear "union?" Any number of things, but it doesn't have a religious connotation.
Get rid of "marriage" in government language, and what reason do these troglodytic hillbillies have LEFT for opposing gay unions? The way I see it, there are two: money or outright bigotry. Money because united gay couples theoretically get the same tax benefits as heterosexual couples, and that pisses some people off. Bigotry because some people are just so profoundly unintellectual and so obtrusively meddlesome that they can't help themselves. And none of those motivations makes for good sound bites on CNN.
The courts across the country need to stop this before it gets out of hand. Stop using the word "marriage" and we'll all get a chance to see what these "noble" Christians* are really after in their crusade against homosexuals: blood or money. Even if judges aren't as keen as exposing these reactionaries as I am, at least do the Constitution some justice and get government out of the many realms in which it does not belong.
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*Please note the use of "these 'noble' Christians." This does not imply that all Christians are anti-homosexual. I am casting aspersions specifically at those that will do anything to vilify homosexuals.
Since I'll be in Lithuania for 10 weeks, I figured I might as well try and find some ultimate there. Well, lo and behold there is not one, but a handful of teams in Lithuania. It seems like Taskas is the best, but they are way far away from the capital (where I will be, and car-less obviously so that is not an option). I would actually be interested to know how an ultimate team formed in Zarasai, Lithuania (just down the road from the Chernobyl-type Ignalina reactors that the EU hates so much) but it seems like they're among the best in the Baltic region. The city is so far from most of the other major cities, though, it's weird.
I got in touch with that team and asked them who the best team in Vilnius was. Apparently, it is the Zepps, who practice at a park that is a 20-30 minute walk from the Embassy compound. This has turned out to be quite lucky -- it looks like I'll be able to practice with them. I also found out that there is a beach ultimate tournament on the weekend of 31 May. Assuming I can bum a ride out to the coast, I'm really psyched to go. They have contests for farthest throw and best layout and such. Being a jackass, and hoping that I will be a big fish in a little pond while I'm over there, I'm gunning for at least one of these distinctions.
I did some research into the ultimate that goes on in the area. I found some interesting things. Apparently, they throw a shit-ton of blades. This is a Swedish team playing a Lithuanian team:
Weird, right? And the guy's catch around 1:00 is pretty ridiculous.
The Russians do it too (this one is super-long, feel free to pick a couple of random times and watch a minute or two -- there are some sweet blades in the first three minutes or so).
Anyways, I had actually heard that Russians throw a lot of blades, but I didn't really believe it. I think it must come from playing inside so much. Once it's warm enough to be outside, it seems like most of the tournaments are beach tournaments. I guess you could attribute the preponderance of blades to playing mostly inside. Anyhow, it's interesting. I can't wait to see all of their faces when I throw a scoober.
I decided that not having a visa while transiting Moscow would be a bad idea. I looked up how much a transit visa would cost. $150 for a single-entry visa with 6-10 business day processing. $200 for a double-entry visa with 3-5 day processing.
I'm flying through Moscow both ways, so I got my materials together. This includes the questionnaire you have to fill out. Here are some select excerpts:
-Do you have any specialized skills, training or experience related to fire-arms and explosives or to nuclear, biological or chemical activities? If «Yes», please explain. -List all professional, civil and charity organizations which you are (were) a member of, or contribute (contributed) to, or work (worked) with. -Have you ever been sick with a communicable disease of risk for the public or suffered a dangerous physical or mental disorder? -Have you ever been involved in an armed conflict, either as a member of the military service or a victim? If «Yes», please explain
Yes, they are crazy. Also, it says in big red type that since the US raised its rates to $131 for Russian citizens, the Russians increased their rates in retaliation. Yes, again, they are crazy. I sent it all off via FedEx with the return envelope and everything. Done and done... right?
Wrong. I arrive home to have my mom tell me that the Russian Consulate had just called for me. I call them back, and the woman answers "Rossiyskoye Konsulstvo," saying not a word in English. This is going to be fun. I initially tried to speak with her in English, figuring that she works at a fucking consulate and I really would rather not have any misunderstandings with her by speaking in imperfect Russian.
We talk for a while, and I get the gist of it -- I can't apply for both the flight to and flight from. The flight from is too far in the future for me to get a transit visa right now. I asked, well, what should I do about payment? The reason being, I paid 200 dollars for my double-entry visa and the expedited processing. One-way only costs $150 if expediated. This confused the woman and she started speaking in Russian to a colleague. I could hear what she was saying at first and it was "how do I tell him that [blahblahblahblahblah]." The colleague gets on the phone and asks "You agree to have your visa only for the first flight in May?" I say, "Yeah, that's fine." She says "All right." Click.
If this were anything else I'd just say fuck it and go along my merry way, but since this is official business and whatnot, I decided to take a more proactive approach. I called back and said I still had questions. The woman was audibly disappointed that they had not adequately dispatched me and my silly questions, and so I promptly confused her by saying in Russian, "if it's more convenient, I can speak with you in Russian." She seemed pleased and rattled off a whole bunch of things that I mostly understood.
Apparently, if I wanted to pay the proper amount and not donate the surplus $40 to the Chechnya Road Beautification Fund, I'd need to send another check. Except by check they mean money order (they don't accept checks) so unless they were willing to send back my original money order (and spend the $0.42 cents??? Never!) I was not getting my money back. So I ended up paying $200 for a single-entry visa. I will now have to go to the Russian embassy in Vilnius and get a transit visa from them while I am in Vilnius. Lovely.
Side note: I kind of thought to myself, here I am the typical arrogant American calling the Russian embassy and trying to conduct all of my business in English and only speaking Russian as a last resort. I felt a little bit bad about that, but then I remembered... this is Russia we're talking about! They'll speak Russian at you until they're blue in the face even if you tell them you don't understand and even if they know decent English. After all, why would you be associating with the Russians if you didn't speak the language?!?!... bozhe moy!
