How GW Wastes My Money: A Photo Essay

For those of you who don't know, GW is one of the most expensive schools in the country to attend. Odd how this is true and yet we are not a top-50 university, but the point remains. Depending on when you entered the university, your tuition + room and board can come out to anywhere between 40 and 50 thousand dollars. I am on academic scholarship, and maintain that if I ever lost that scholarship, I would be out of here in a second because I just can't afford it. Anyhow, GW has used the money that I do pay for some things that absolutely defy the imagination in their pointlessness. My purpose is to elucidate for you the ridiculousness with which GW spends our tuition dollars.

1) Gold column


Not a set of gold columns, one. What is its purpose? IT'S NOT EVEN ATTACHED TO ANYTHING. Some have said it's a Masonic symbol, others say phallic. The point is, somewhere along the line, someone thought that the Marvin Center (our lousy excuse for a student union) simply would not be complete without a free-standing gold-painted column.

2) Campaigning limit tape


Our student elections are the most ridiculously hilarious time of the year. Our school as a whole has a big problem with taking ourselves too seriously, but when Student Association elections roll around, all the poli-sci buttholes come out in force to play out the fantasies they have while boxing the clown to West Wing. And of course, the Student Association Elections Committee provides accoutrements like this campaign tape to make the fantasy complete -- at the rest of the students' collective expense. Then they go along and argue about $1 increases to the Student Association fee built into the tuition as if it were the Crime of '73. On a side note, congratulations to Josh for winning the EVP seat. I voted for you out of nepotism, but I also believe in your abilities.

3) USELESS FLATSCREEN TV'S


Regrettably, this is only one example of the ridiculous ubiquitousness of flat-screen TVs on the GW campus. This one is on the second floor of the Academic Center, home to the language laboratories and many classrooms (you can see these in the picture). Aside from that, there really is no reason to be on the second floor. Yet GW thinks that somehow, they are enhancing my student experience by mounting a huge flat-screen TV in a fucking hallway. I have class on this floor at least once a day, twice on Tuesdays and Thursdays (Russian and Russian Lit). I have never seen anything of consequence on this screen. Things that I've seen include: the Windows screensaver, screenshots of the Columbian College of Arts and Sciences website, GW-themed screensavers, the news section of the Anthropology department's website, and several times... nothing. Not only that, but the TV has a nice set of speakers installed, too -- for all those times they want to play audio in a hallway full of classrooms.

4) Obelisk!


I'm not kidding; here we have another GW expenditure on a phallic symbol. This atrocity stands in J-Street, the part of the Marvin Center with dining venues and a large seating area. This monument to reckless spending changes colors, and has four... guess what... flat screen TV's affixed to the top of it. It is two stories tall, as it extends all the way from the ground floor up to the seating area. Perhaps this is not a monument to reckless spending as I previously stated. On closer inspection, it seems to perhaps be a monument to television, specifically, to CNN, to which the TVs are perpetually tuned. With perpetual CNN being taken into consideration, it seems reasonable to assume that this is, in fact, a monument to the politically masturbatory nature of GW's student body.

5) The Ivory Tower Dining Hall sign


Yes, we have a dorm that is named Ivory Tower. It's a zing at the D.C. zoning board, who didn't want us to build that dorm. Anyhow, there's a dining hall in the basement. I was one of the first-ever residents of this building last year, and this year they made it better by adding this monstrosity. Now every time students descend the stairs, they are reminded that their dining experience will be a) fresh (symbolised by the fresh fruit the people on the sign strangely aren't looking at) b) sociable (symbolised by the people in the background) and c) multi-racial (Diversity: an essential part of a complete breakfast). I have nothing against the dining venues, I eat here quite often. I just don't feel the need to be reminded where I am and why I am there... when I am already there. There is absolutely no advertising value to this either - no one is entering the building thinking it is anything but a dorm/dining hall, and you definitely can't see it from the outside.

...and you know, while we're at it...

6) J Street


J Street used to be cool. There were unlimited fountain drinks, different sections with their own distinct unofficial flavors (J Street South, the Ghetto, the Barrio), and most importantly, Chick-fil-a (where you could get indestructible cups to ensure yourself an endless supply of fountain drinks while only buying a drink once every couple of weeks). Then they renovated it after my freshman year. They spent millions of dollars renovating it for no good reason. Not only that, but after the renovations, the only things we had to show for it were a dysfunctional excuse for a Wendy's and a fucking obelisk.

Now, the various inadequacies of J Street led myself and another to start an official J-Street boycott. They have a Subway there that frequently runs out of things. Not just things, but essential things, like BREAD. They have Wendy's where they can't even stack the goddamn meat patties on top of one another. This particular failing, over time, drove me to boycott the entire establishment. Not only are the employees often rude and inefficient, but they can't take three seconds to make sure everything is on the frigging bun and not spilling out like back fat over ill-fitting pants. The burritos at the burrito place cost $7 and have been described as tasting like a "a rotten vagina cookie." Their motto is "See. Be seen. Leave full and happy." Yeah. The only thing I will see is horrendous ineptitude, shitty food, high prices, and freshmen who have enough debit dollars to blow it all on getting fatter. I don't even know what they mean by "be seen," so I don't have anything witty for that. Leave full and happy. Yeah, you'll leave full... so full you'll be crapping like a woodchipper for the rest of the day. The moral of the story is you'll see things and leave full, but you will most definitely not be happy.