I hate buying jeans

For some people, clothes shopping is fun. For me, it can be, but usually is not. If I'm by myself, and filling a need, it's not bad. But if I'm with other people, and I really have no specific purpose in mind, it is horrible.

An exception to this is buying jeans. No matter what the circumstances, buying jeans is always a grotesque ordeal.

I have still have the fat sprinters' legs that I developed in high school. This has important ramifications for buying jeans, most of which are built for the wispy emo/goth/indy kids that seem to be all the rage today. Or people like TK who weigh less than me even though they are at least three inches taller.

The problem is that if you have big thighs, it causes the crotchal area of the jeans to ride up like some kind of medieval vertically oriented corset. I experienced this phenomenon all too often in Lithuania. I was rushed for time in the lead-up to departure and foolishly bought a pair of otherwise normal but 31-waist jeans. They felt fine enough during the try-on, but as soon as I wore them more than once while I was in-country... yeah, terrible. And it's not like I was going to go out and buy Lithuanian clothes, since I'd end up in white pants and pointy shoes.

The last time I made a mission out of buying a new pair of jeans, I had to go to effing TJ Maxx three times. Three. First time, nothing but weird shit that I would never wear. Second time, they had some Luckys that fit nicely, but only in 34 and 30. A 34 waist is massive on me, and though the 30 fits fine on my waist, the rest of the garment produces a fucking quantum singularity in terms of compression. 32s are baggyish at the waist but at least do not cause sterility. I was finally able to buy some 32s after making three trips and each time having to ask for the little number-of-garments tag from the same employee who now thinks I am one of those guys.

This is what I have to go through. And I'm sure none of you care... unless you have fat ex-sprinters' legs.