Weird party

Last night we had a party at the women's team's captain's house (wow, lots of modifiers...). The theme was that all the Mama?s (the guys team) had to dress up like the Janes (the women's team) and vice versa. Fittingly, I went as the women's team captain. Well, I didn't really want to half-ass my costume so I procured a bunch of her stuff, including trademark tall socks and orange skirt. I also decided it was a good idea to wear makeup. This was not a good idea, but rather a very very bad idea. That will be discussed later.

The night began with some gentle pregaming/costume prep. I only put on makeup on the condition that another guy on the team did it, so one of the girls helped us both out by putting on eyeshadow and mascara. It was weird. Then I blew up some party balloons that I bought earlier in the day at Wal-Mart, using the balloons to make myself quite shapely (just like the women's team captain). After a quick donut fight in the kitchen, most of us were all ready to roll over to the party house. Just as a disclaimer, the donuts had been sitting on the counter so long they had essentially petrified. No edible donuts were harmed. I got a big chunk in the beer pong cups so I was happy.

Then, off to the party, and doing party things. My boobs lasted a lot longer than I expected them to, but finally fell victim to an assault by Novosaurus and the person I dressed up as. I got motorboated a lot of times, and had to yell a lot of "no means no!" As the party wound down, I tried to get a lot of the makeup off, to no avail. I did manage to get a lot of soap in my eyes though, but it didn't matter because I was drunk (fans will recall that I know from previous experience that getting stuff off the eye area while drunk hurts far less than when you're sober).

Things start to get a little hazy after the boobs got popped. Some small firecrackers were set off in close proximity to certain individual's posteriors, some gin was drunk (oh yes it was), some n00bz were yelled at. All in all pretty standard. As the night was winding down, a bunch of the rookies were canoodling with the older girls upstairs. I went up there to moderate, and eventually one of our freshmen ended up dragged into a bedroom. Well, most people just left, but my policy for parties that are far away from everything is "no child left behind," especially when freshmen are involved. So I sat on the stairs for a while, minding my own business, then I went upstairs to make sure the kid didn't need to set up a quick escape or anything. Called his phone, it was off, so I shrugged, went downstairs, put on the layers I had stuffed into my drinking bag, sent the kid a text saying "you're on your own," and set off for home.

Of course, my keys and jacket were still at the place where we pregamed, but I didn't realize that until I was much closer to my own house than the location of my keys. Furthermore, Novosaurus was the only one with keys to the place, since the other denizen of that particular locale had lost his keys. So I had to track him down at a restaurant downtown, go back to the pregaming place, get my keys, and then trudge all the way back home. It was about 15 degrees out too, but I didn't much notice this. Additionally, I still had a lot of makeup on and looked like a complete clown.

Before going to bed, I once again tried to get all of the makeup off. That was unsuccessful, since I woke up this morning still looking like a goddamned creepo. In the shower this morning I said "fuckit," mashed a bunch of soap in my eyes and went to town. And by went to town I mean put myself in a world of hurt. I even used some vodka-soaked q-tips to try and get all of it off. My eyes still look a little "sassy" (to borrow an expression from The Wang) but I think all the shit is finally off. You can add ridiculous makeup as reason # 1,472,345 why I'm glad I'm a dude. And that's the closest I will EVER get to cross-dressing...

Now I want to go to the gym. But I keep looking at myself in the mirror and thinking that I still kind of look like I have makeup on. I am not sure I can show myself in public until I am sure I don't look like a transvestite.