I hate my work thhiiiisss much...

The law firm I work at employs more than 250 people. Ironically, however, I never have enough to do. I spent the past two weeks labeling literally hundreds upon hundreds of folders with colored doctors-office-style labels. Not only that, but finding ways to waste time so that I can honsetly put down my hours.

Here is a short list of things that I use to pass the time:

1) Sudokus and crosswords.
I'm not going to act like I'm good at Sudoku. I straight up suck at it. To be honest, it's one of those things in life that just makes you feel dumb for having even tried. Kind of like when I play basketball... it actually makes me feel less athletic. So I pore over those for an hour or so. Crosswords make up for it though, because I am a crossword fiend. I hear Mike Mussina is as well [cue "The More You Know... logo]. Anyhow, doing crosswords makes me feel smart again, after taking an exorbitantly long time to finish a Sudoku. I think the best one I can remember was the other day when the clue was "Composer's liquor amount" and the answer was "Beethovens Fifth." Now that's clever.

2) Office supplies
We have some pretty awesome pens. Actually, they suck because they smear really really easily. But they're obviously really expensive, so swiping must therefore necessarily occur. I've got a pretty good stash going. Office supplies provide other forms of amusement, too. Like when you have a pile of rubber bands and a revolving chair. Combined with quick hands, you can turn yourself into a semi-automatic rubber band cannon. It's true - just pile up the rubber bands on your desk, spin around, grab a band, load it onto your finger and fire, then keep spinning, grab another, and so on. I managed to cover my coworker's desk with rubber bands one day, and since no one ever walks anywhere near my office, no one caught me acting like one of the ritalin-deprived three-year-old hellians I am forced to weave around while grocery shopping.

3) Eating!
My facebook profile lists one of my interests as food, and I am definitely not kidding. I love food. If I didn't do sports and if my genetics were different, I could easily be 250. I've been better this summer for the most part, given I can lift again and I want to consume as many protein-laden foods as possible. At work, though, eating is one of the few things that keeps me awake. A bag of Malt-O-Meal cereal (nothing says generic like Malt-O-Meal!), some 25-cent waters and/or sodas, free hot chocolate - it's all good. And it keeps me from passing out headfirst into my keyboard.

4) Random shit on the internet
Given that most sites are firewalled, I find myself looking at ridiculously boring things just to keep busy. We have access to a currency converter. I can tell you the USD/Russian Ruble exchange rate has been relatively stable at around 27r/$ for the past month or so. I can also tell you the exact amount in my checking account (we have access to Wachovia - praise Jesus!). But I won't because that would just be embarassing (fuck you Winston House - I don't pay $XXX to wake up to your garbage trucks every Saturday morning at 7:30).

5) Cate
Cate is a former coworker from the CLLC. She works at a company that transcribes depositions and such. We've had some good conversations via work-email, especially about "which" vs. "that," grammar pet-peeves, former CLLC coworkers, the ridiculous crap that is said in her transcripts, and the funny nicknames I give people at work. Not only that but she gives me answers for stupid literature-related crossword clues, since I have no clue about any of that.

6) Doing the nerdiest, pointless shit you could ever think of
For example, this morning I got a street map from the MC Concierge desk. I then endeavored to think of all 50 states in the Union. I confused myself by starting an alphabetical list, then switching over to just what I could remember. I thought I had written down Arizona and Alaska, but I definitely missed them the first time through. Sorry dudes. After that though, I needed to find each of the state avenues on the D.C. map. Needless to say I couldn't because the map sucked, but at least it ate up time. And I learned that Florida, New York, and New Jersey all intersect near my friend's house. What a shitshow! Another pointless activity I engaged in was fooling with the air conditioner vents. They're a bunch of little square plates resting in a bevel on top of the unit. They all point into the room, but clearly such uniformity is unacceptable. So I rotated each one 90 degress, all the way down the line so our a/c unit has a nicely creepy Martha Stewart-meets-fengshui-meets-obsessive-compulsive look to it.

I'm sure all of this will cease to amuse me at some point, so I'll definitely have another post detailing my pointless, utterly pointless day.

Furthermore, I'm buying one of these. Just try and stop me. I'll be the coolest kid on the block.