Napoleon Dynamite took away two hours of my life and I want them back

Yet again, I am perplexed by people at my school. I'm sure most of the people reading this have heard of TheFacebook.com, but for those who haven't, I will explain briefly. It's an online stalker-facilitation service. You put your picture up, some information about yourself, etc., and anyone at your university can read your profile and get your contact info. Also, people can prove to everyone out there that they have friends by listing others in their "friends" box, provided the other person decides they want people to know they are friends with this person. I guess people get some kind of satisfaction from having 100+ people listed as friends on their profile. I don't know. It's hard enough to get together with the 35 or so people I have listed as friends in my profile, these socialites with 100+ must whore themselves out 24 hours a day. I mean, one would assume... right? Either that or having only 35 friends makes me a shut-in.

Anyhow, one of the categories offered on Facebook is "Favorite Movie." Some people will list literally dozens of movies here (little do they realize that listing so many movies results in no one bothering to read any of it). However, in my hours of boredom, sometimes I will partake in Facebook stalking, as stupid as it may be. I am now astounded at the number of people who list Napoleon Dynamite as one of their favorite movies. Granted I don't see many movies, but this takes the cake as the worst movie I have seen since I can remember starting to like or dislike movies.

I'm pretty sure I would dislike Bowling for Columbine more, but since seeing a snippet of it in one of my classes, I have decided that it would probably give me an aneurysm to watch. Furthermore, to do so would be to say that I think Michael Moore's lunacy deserves my attention and consideration, which it clearly does not. Michael Moore is a socialist weasel (a quote from a movie that deserves watching, unlike Napoleon Dynamite). But I digress...

I watched this movie with a group of probably 6 or 7. At the end, everyone looked at each other, waiting to see if it was really as bad as they thought it was. Once someone said, wow, that sucked, everyone else chimed in, asserting the shittiness of this movie. Most prominent in that post-movie discussion was "I feel like I should like it... because so many people loved it... but that was a really dumb movie." Another favorite was "That's it? I'm confused, nothing happened. Isn't something supposed to happen?"

Napoleon Dynamite is a waste of two hours. You might as well watch Dawn of the Dead (the recent one). I mean, that movie may be one giant plot hole and it may be devoid of any intellectual matter whatsoever, but at least it has guns and explosions and faces getting blown off. Okay, okay, the part in Napoleon Dynamite where the farmer pops the cow with a shotgun right next to the bus full of grade-schoolers was pretty fucking awesome, but I mean, jeez, that's the only part of the movie that made me laugh, or, for that matter, react positively in any way. The point is, NOTHING HAPPENS IN THIS MOVIE. I maintain that the plot of Napoleon Dynamite could be over and done with in 15 minutes in a normal movie. This doesn't make it unique, or funny, or refreshingly off-the-beaten-path - quite the opposite - it makes the audience wish they were doing something more productive, like slamming their skulls in their car doors.

This movie is nothing more than an amalgam of tired and hackneyed plot lines. Kid gets bullied in school until he shows his classmates that he has some amazing talent. How many dozens of shows like this are played every day on ABC Family, Nickelodeon, the Disney Channel, etc.? Secondly, crotchety skinny white guy hooks up with a voluptuous black woman. Hasn't there already been a movie or two about that? I don't see any of those movies listed as anyone's favorite movie. Right, because we all agree they're stupid. Thirdly, nerdy guy gets spurned by popular people only to end up with a chick who is beautiful "on the inside." Come on, people, have we not seen this hundreds of times growing up? Shit, the abovementioned networks been spoon-feeding us these stories of how ugly/nerdy/disabled/enfeebled/asexual/short/Mexican people can be happy since we were, what, five or six? People love this stupidass movie, but I don't know anyone who still watches ABC Family Specials or Nickelodeon. So what's the deal?